Giving thanks

We just had Thanksgiving weekend, and like many during this time, I found myself thinking of all the things I am thankful for:

My husband, Ian, would be top of my list for things I am thankful for. We have been married for just over 6 years. I still find myself pinching myself sometimes to believe it is true that I met, dated and married someone who is so great. We have our differences, and for sure we annoy each other from time to time, but we love each other. The past few years dealing with the loss of our first baby, trouble getting pregnant again and fears that we never would, threats to this pregnancy, time with our babies in the NICU and life with TWO newborns he has been my rock.

My babies Alex and Anna are high up on my list too. I always wanted kids and after the struggles we went through to get these two here, I appreciate them even more. They are two unique little individuals who brighten my day. I am looking forward to seeing them grow up. (Hopefully not too fast!)

My Mother has always been there in my life, she raised me, encouraged me, cherished me and loved me. Since Anna and Alex have arrived (and even before) she has been there to help and continues make time in her busy life for her Grandkids. I know she will be as important a person to them as she is to me.

Friends and family are really important to me. I am lucky to have many individuals in my life, who brighten it in many ways. People who offer support to us when we need it, celebrate with us when we have something to celebrate, share with us the good times and the bad. Some people I see often , some only once in a while, but I am thankful for everyone who enriches my life.

I am thankful for my health. Although ,like many people, there are things I would change about how I look, I am lucky to have a body that is healthy. The only times I have really had to see a Dr are for things I inflicted on myself by the choices I made (ride horses, have babies, etc) My body was able to grow TWO perfect little babies and to house them long enough to come safely into the world. That is something to be thankful for.

I am thankful I live in Canada. I had always taken the benefits available in Canada for granted until this year. I received wonderful care during my pregnancy, was rushed in for 2 emergency surgeries with great Drs., and had babies in the NICU for 18 days. How much did I pay? Nothing out of pocket. Now to be fair I am sure in taxes over the years Ian and I have paid for all the care I received, but it was wonderful not to have to worry about how we would pay our hospital bills. Also, I will get to spend the first year at home with my babies and will continue to have a pay check. My employers can't take my job away from me because I want to be at home with my babies. Compared to the stories I hear from people living in other countries, living here is really something to be thankful for.

I am thankful for the material things in my life. Ian and I have been blessed with employable skills and good jobs and have been able to provide for ourselves. I live in a warm , comfortable house, my horses have a comfy barn, we drive safe vehicles, and have nice things. Material things aren't that important in the big picture, but they sure do make life easier and more enjoyable.

And lastly, I am thankful that I no longer have a student loan!!!!!! A few weeks ago I made the last payment on my loan, and now they are gone. YIPEEEEE!!!

2 month photos (Thanks again Cathy!)

photos 6-8 weeks old

First Road Trip

We did our first road trip with the babies a couple of days ago (hopefully the first of many!). We didn't get a chance to visit all the people we wanted to see, but did fit in a few visist and got to meet some relatives.

The babies got to meet their Aunt Sharon and their Uncle Bern for the first time. Sharon and Bern live in Ottawa, and are visiting the Valley on vacation. Their Auntie has started to spoil them already...

Next they got to meet their Great Grandfather Ben in the nursing home. Ben will be 99 in a few months. He has been looking forward to meeting the babies since they were born, and it was great to see him holding each of the twins. I remembered to pull my cell phone out and snapped a few shots (see above).

Our final stop was at the Pub for their other Great Grandfather's (and his TWIN's) birthday party. The twins got to meet the twins. Alex and Anna stole the show and were a big hit. It was fun to see lots of relatives I hadn't seen in years.

We didn't make it to either Grandmas houses, so will have to come back soon to visit their Grandparents again. Next trip is planned for Sept 12th for a meet the babies pot luck at Mandala. Maybe someone will get to have their first pony rides??? And I will finally get to meet the new foal (well not so new now) at the farm.

Not a natural birthing, breast feeding, co sleeping, cloth diapering Mama..

When I was pregnant I had all sorts of expectations of how I wanted things to go. Firstly I wanted to experience natural childbirth. I wasn't 100% committed to doing it totally au natural, but was planning to try. Well 2 breech babies and the neccessity for an emergency c section stopped that plan. And to be fair, I am just happy my two babies got here safely. I think I was so afraid of the epidural and being cut open that natural birth seemed the better alternative.

Secondly, I was planning to breast feed. I figured since other women had breast fed twins before me, that I would be able to do it too. Well they say breast feeding takes skill and talent. The mother has to have the skill to do it properly. I worked with a lactation consultant for a couple of weeks in the hospital, and really feel I figured out what I was doing. I had the lactation consultant and a number of nurses say I was doing everything right. It also takes talent on the babies side. Well at 35 weeks babies don't have a suck reflex yet. It doesn't develop until 37 weeks. I knew this when they came at 35, but thought "hey mine will be different, they wll be the ones able to do it anyway". Well not everyone has the talent to make it on to "So you think you can dance" and not every baby has the talent to breast feed. I also thought that I would have no problems producing milk. Well I was wrong there too. Early delivery and a C section made my milk slow to come in, and I have never had a good supply. I spend over 2 hours a day pumping, and still am getting less than half the milk needed for my twins. I have almost enough most days for one baby (for now, that wont last as they are eating more) I am taking prescription domperidom as well as fenugreek and blessed thistle. Nothing has helped so far to increase my supply enough for two. I believe strongly that breast milk is much better for babies than formula, but I do wonder if those hours of the day I spend bonding with my Medela Pump in Style are really worth the added nutrition the babies get from breast milk. For now I will continue pumping. For how long? I don't know. For today, next week, another month, until they are 6 months???? who knows. I have made it 8 weeks so far...

I was sad in the NICU that my babies didn't get to co sleep. I had read studies about how twins loved to comfort one another and how sleeping together would allow them to sleep more soundly. We joined a co sleeping study, but got the side of the coin where the babies were kept apart. Once we had them both home we were excited that they would get to be together in the same bed. We had bought a Pack N Play with a full size bassinette and put them together in that beside our bed. Our first few nights were horrible... One baby would make a noise or move and then the 2nd baby would wake up. None of us got any sleep for the first few nights with both at home. Out of desperation we would take them to the living room so they could sleep in their bouncy chairs or attempt to have them sleep across the hall in their own cribs. After doing laundry one day I playfully placed one of the babies in the basket, they fit perfectly. Also the 2 laundry baskets, when placed in the Pack N Play, fit perfectly as well. The twins could see each other through the cracks, be next to each other and to my bed, but couldn't kick, punch and scratch each other. Perfect solution. They have now grown so much they are too big for their baskets, so we purchased a 2nd Pack N Play and they are both sleeping in them. Co sleeping didn't work for us as I had planned. They love to spend time together at "play time" and will sleep near each other, but if they are in touching distance they wake one another up every time.

While I was pregnant I started reading about cloth diapers. I had originally, when I found out I was having twins, thought that cloth diapers would be way too much work. After chatting to some cloth diapering Mamas and seeing some of the beautifully colored cloth diapers in stores I started to get excited. They are so much cuter than disposables, supposedly saved money, were good for the environment and would only take a "little" extra work. Well after the reality of having twins, I am not as committed to the idea. I have many days during the week where I never have both twins asleep at the same time. Our laundry room is in the basement. I have yet to be able to do laundry unless someone else is at home with me. Two babies make a lot of laundry on their own, without adding diapers to the mix. I sometimes find it hard to find a free minute to change the garbage bag in our diaper pail, let alone to rinse, wash, hang to dry, fold and put away diapers. I feel guilty about deciding to not use cloth diapers, but the reality of the situation is that I am not Super Mom, and I can only do what I have the time and energy in a day to do. The most important thing is that I am there for my babies when they need me.

So I am not a natural birthing, breast feeding, co sleeping, cloth diapering Mama after all. I have beautiful kids who are healthy and growing well. I love them and love spending time with them. And some days, in their eyes, I am sure I look like Super Mom.

Anna and Alex are 6 weeks

Due Date

Yesterday was the twins due date. They are 5 weeks birth age, 40 weeks gestational age, and 0 weeks adjusted age. They say with preemies to go by their adjusted age when looking at milestones

Things are mostly going fine with us. I think I am adjusting to feeling sleep deprived and don't notice it as much... The babies only go 2.5 to 3 hours between feedings (Anna would go longer, but Alex is still so little that he has to eat that often, and we want to keep them on the same feeding schedule.) It takes close to an hour to feed and then more time to get them back to sleep and then they usually wake me up a bit before they are ready to feed, so the sleep time between feedings is very limited. When I get 2 solid hours in a row now I consider myself lucky. I hope that in another monthor so I might be getting a few more hours in a row.

We had originally planned on them sharing a pack n play beside our bed. That really didn't work well. They would wiggle and flail around and wake each other up. We tried them one night in their cribs (about 10 feet away across the hall in their room) and I got NO sleep that night. I need them closer. So we are now using 2 laundry baskets in the pack n play beside the bed. They do MUCH better in them. It is funny. I also put a towel under the heads of the baskets which they seem to like. They did that with their cots in the NICU, and I think they got used to their heads being slightly elevated. Once they out grow their baskets I will try to move them into their cribs I think. IF I can handle having them across the hall and sleep myself. Anna sleeps better than Alex. He sometimes will not settle in the basket and I take him into bed with us for a while until he settles down. I didn't think I would want the babies in bed with me at all, but when holding him is the only way he will settle and I am tired it is so much easier and more comfortable than trying to sit up in a chair with him. I also worry when on a chair/couch holding him I might fall asleep and have him roll off. In bed I lay on my side and lay him in my elbow and brace my hand against Ian's back (so I wake up if he moves around - I never move when I sleep, but he sometimes flails) Alex loves it and will stare up at my face until he drifts off. It is a sweet time. Anna doesn't settle like that. She usually is only fretting when she has a reason (hungry, wet, poopy, cold, gassy) and once the issue is solved she sleeps just fine. She also kicks me in the boobs and punches my face, so it isn't as nice cuddling with her in the middle of the night.

I worry about head shape, but compared to many of the babies I saw in the NICU, I think my two are okay for shape. Anna's is pretty perfectly round but she has a high forehead (like I do). Alex's forehead is lower and more sloped, and his head seems to be pretty round, except for one lumpy area above one ear. He kind of has a horn... It is where he had his IV in for a long time, so he didn't lie on that area of his head. I try to get him to balance on his horn more often, so it gets squished down. Not sure it is really working.

They spend time in all sorts of positions. Both LOVE tummy time and they spend a lot of the day on a blanket on the floor. Both will sleep well on their tummies during the day (when I am awake to check them). They also have bouncy chairs which they seem to enjoy sometimes. So far (fingers crossed it continues) both babies love their car seats/driving and sleep really well in the truck. We have gone on a few "adventures" with the pair of them and it has gone well. Supper over at a friends house, going for icecream, Drs visits and yesterday we went grocery shopping for the first time with both of them. (My first time in a grocery store in 6 months...)

Formula feeding/bottles etc really sucks. I hate all the steralizing and boiling of everything. Any tips to make things quicker? We used the ready to use formula up until their due date (yesterday) and are now using the concentrate mixed with boiled water. I am still pumping as well so they are getting about 50% breastmilk. I still try to put them on the boobs as well, but it usually ends with them screaming and me feeling frustrated. Some days I just feel like giving up on the whole breast feeding idea. I have one breast that seems to work well, but the other is a slacker. If both worked equally well I would have enough milk for both of them. When Alex gets straight breast milk he eats so much better than when it is formula. He is still really tricky to get to feed well at times. Anna is a little piggy and will eat whatever.

Both of them are REALLY active. They can both pick their heads up when on their tummies and switch them from side to side. Occasionally they will have a face plant in the middle, which is kind of funny. Both have rolled over from belly to back. They will roll from back to side and back again as well. Anna also went "walk about" one day and managed to squirm off her blanket and about 2 feet over under the coffee table. I was amazed! I am scared that I will have early crawlers at this rate. There is still so much baby proofing to do... Yikes!