Not a natural birthing, breast feeding, co sleeping, cloth diapering Mama..

When I was pregnant I had all sorts of expectations of how I wanted things to go. Firstly I wanted to experience natural childbirth. I wasn't 100% committed to doing it totally au natural, but was planning to try. Well 2 breech babies and the neccessity for an emergency c section stopped that plan. And to be fair, I am just happy my two babies got here safely. I think I was so afraid of the epidural and being cut open that natural birth seemed the better alternative.

Secondly, I was planning to breast feed. I figured since other women had breast fed twins before me, that I would be able to do it too. Well they say breast feeding takes skill and talent. The mother has to have the skill to do it properly. I worked with a lactation consultant for a couple of weeks in the hospital, and really feel I figured out what I was doing. I had the lactation consultant and a number of nurses say I was doing everything right. It also takes talent on the babies side. Well at 35 weeks babies don't have a suck reflex yet. It doesn't develop until 37 weeks. I knew this when they came at 35, but thought "hey mine will be different, they wll be the ones able to do it anyway". Well not everyone has the talent to make it on to "So you think you can dance" and not every baby has the talent to breast feed. I also thought that I would have no problems producing milk. Well I was wrong there too. Early delivery and a C section made my milk slow to come in, and I have never had a good supply. I spend over 2 hours a day pumping, and still am getting less than half the milk needed for my twins. I have almost enough most days for one baby (for now, that wont last as they are eating more) I am taking prescription domperidom as well as fenugreek and blessed thistle. Nothing has helped so far to increase my supply enough for two. I believe strongly that breast milk is much better for babies than formula, but I do wonder if those hours of the day I spend bonding with my Medela Pump in Style are really worth the added nutrition the babies get from breast milk. For now I will continue pumping. For how long? I don't know. For today, next week, another month, until they are 6 months???? who knows. I have made it 8 weeks so far...

I was sad in the NICU that my babies didn't get to co sleep. I had read studies about how twins loved to comfort one another and how sleeping together would allow them to sleep more soundly. We joined a co sleeping study, but got the side of the coin where the babies were kept apart. Once we had them both home we were excited that they would get to be together in the same bed. We had bought a Pack N Play with a full size bassinette and put them together in that beside our bed. Our first few nights were horrible... One baby would make a noise or move and then the 2nd baby would wake up. None of us got any sleep for the first few nights with both at home. Out of desperation we would take them to the living room so they could sleep in their bouncy chairs or attempt to have them sleep across the hall in their own cribs. After doing laundry one day I playfully placed one of the babies in the basket, they fit perfectly. Also the 2 laundry baskets, when placed in the Pack N Play, fit perfectly as well. The twins could see each other through the cracks, be next to each other and to my bed, but couldn't kick, punch and scratch each other. Perfect solution. They have now grown so much they are too big for their baskets, so we purchased a 2nd Pack N Play and they are both sleeping in them. Co sleeping didn't work for us as I had planned. They love to spend time together at "play time" and will sleep near each other, but if they are in touching distance they wake one another up every time.

While I was pregnant I started reading about cloth diapers. I had originally, when I found out I was having twins, thought that cloth diapers would be way too much work. After chatting to some cloth diapering Mamas and seeing some of the beautifully colored cloth diapers in stores I started to get excited. They are so much cuter than disposables, supposedly saved money, were good for the environment and would only take a "little" extra work. Well after the reality of having twins, I am not as committed to the idea. I have many days during the week where I never have both twins asleep at the same time. Our laundry room is in the basement. I have yet to be able to do laundry unless someone else is at home with me. Two babies make a lot of laundry on their own, without adding diapers to the mix. I sometimes find it hard to find a free minute to change the garbage bag in our diaper pail, let alone to rinse, wash, hang to dry, fold and put away diapers. I feel guilty about deciding to not use cloth diapers, but the reality of the situation is that I am not Super Mom, and I can only do what I have the time and energy in a day to do. The most important thing is that I am there for my babies when they need me.

So I am not a natural birthing, breast feeding, co sleeping, cloth diapering Mama after all. I have beautiful kids who are healthy and growing well. I love them and love spending time with them. And some days, in their eyes, I am sure I look like Super Mom.