Evan was due on Monday September 26th, so when I was woken up with contractions on Wednesday Sept 28th, I wasn't surprised. Previously for the last few weeks I had been having occasional bouts of contractions, but they were never painful. These contractions were painful enough to wake me up from a sound sleep at 5 in the morning. I knew not to panic, as I figured once the contractions started I would have plenty of time before rushing to the hospital was needed. What I didn't know at this point is just exactly how much time I would end up having. I remember that morning doing a load of laundry, packing my bags and getting Ian to load a few things into the car "just in case". Contractions were still irregular coming anywhere from 20ish to 7 minutes apart. I would have them 7 to 9 minutes apart for an hour or so, then they would slow back down again. They were painful, but manageable. I had to stop and breath through them, and had a hard time getting comfortable, but wasn't in severe pain. I remember spending most of that day sitting on my exercise ball. My Mother, fortunately, was able to pack up and drive to our house that afternoon to look after the twins. I wasn't in a very nurturing state, and often needed Ian's support, so having another caregiver in the house was a huge blessing. I had been told that when my contractions were regula, and 5 minutes apart for an hour to come to the hospital. This never happened. Bedtime arrived and we all decided to head to bed early just in case we had to get up in the night to go to the hospital. I got very little sleep that night, as every contraction would wake me up and I found myself watching the clock, hoping they would start coming 5 minutes apart. I remember being excited that my baby was going to arrive on the 29th, exactly 1 month before my birthday. It seemed too perfect to be true...
Thursday the 29th arrived, and the contractions continued some were 20 minutes or so apart, others as close together as 7 minutes. They hurt a lot. In between contractions I felt perfectly fine and would run around getting stuff organized, the last details packed, etc. I was getting excited to meet my new baby soon.
I had an ultrasound BPP appointment to attend Thursday afternoon to check on the baby, my fluids and placenta. Because my blood pressure has at times been high and because I had had a C section with the twins, I was being carefully monitored. My OB was willing to let my try to have a VBAC but she wanted to be careful.
We packed up for the appointment, loaded all our hospital bags, car seat, cloth diapers etc. into the car. I gave the twins extra special cuddles and cried because I didn't think I would see them again for a few days. I was pretty sure that at any moment my contractions would start coming faster together and that this baby would arrive.
We went to the 7th floor and waited to be called in for the ultrasound. I had occasional contractions while waiting. I could mostly sit through them and control the pain with breathing. Finally they called us in and did the ultrasound. Everything looked great. Baby was doing big and small movements, he was practice breathing, I still had a normal amount of fluid, the doppler on my placenta was normal. Even though I was overdue I was free to carry on. No C section that day. I did have some contractions during the ultrasound, so they recommended I head over to be assessed.
We had to go through admitting, and then wait for hours and hours in a tiny room waiting for a Dr to come and look at me. Having contractions in the comfort of your own home is not fun, but in a small room with no where comfortable to sit (except a gurney) and no room to walk around, they feel way worse. Finally after being told a number of times that the Dr was coming, and then being told he wasn't due to an emergency c section, a Dr finally arrived. I was checked and basically not much was happening. My cervix was only slightly dilated. Such depressing news as it had now been over 36 hours of no sleep and contractions. They said they would keep me in the hospital if I wanted, to be reassessed in the morning. I chose to head for home, determined to only come back when my contractions were regular and 5 minutes apart.
Thursday night, Friday and Friday night passed in a blur of pain, much pacing up and down the hallway, long soaks in the jacuzzi tub, back rubs, walks outside, hot showers and 10 minute dozes in between contractions. I waited and waited to see the contractions coming every 5 minutes for an hour, but they just seemed to fluctuate between 7-20 minutes.
Finally, early Saturday morning I realized that they were coming about 5 minutes apart, instead of 7 or more. I decided to go take a long hot shower to see if they would continue. In the shower they continued to come even quicker, every 3- 5 minutes. I got out, got dressed and we decided it was time to head in to the hospital. By this point the contractions were so strong that I couldn't stay still through them, I had to be moving, or rocking on the ball or the toilet. I knew the long drive to the hospital would be a test of my mental strength, but I was excited to do it as it finally ment the baby was coming. YAY!
As the sun was rising Saturday morning we arrived at the hospital. We were quickly admitted and sent to the assessment unit again. This time we were given a much larger room, with a comfortable recliner for Ian and a bed for me, plus a private bathroom. Luxury compared to 2 days before. But even though our accommodations were nicer, we still had to wait for what felt like forever to be seen by a Dr. When the Dr finally arrived and checked me, once again it was disappointing news. I was fully effaced, but only dilated about 1 cm. Basically nothing was happening and I wasn't in labour. By this time my contractions had slowed down as well and were back to their old pattern of varying between 7-20 minutes. They were very intense now though and literally took my breath away they hurt so much, I couldn't imagine them getting much worse.
The Dr told me to go away for a few hours then to come back to be checked again. It is about a 45 minute drive to go home, so it would have ment driving, and soon turning around and driving back the other way. The most painful place to be for me was in the car, where I couldn't get up to move through the contraction. We still needed some baby clothes (boy stuff) so we decide to do some shopping and headed to the consignment store. After that we went to visit our friends Jamie and Ian and their twins. Jamie had some used baby clothes she was willing to share with me. It was strange to visit with friends while every so often having to leave the room to go have a contraction. Between contractions I still felt 100% normal and fine, then for a minute or so I would be in great pain, and then once it passed I was fine again. During our shopping/visiting my contractions seemed to slow once again and were mostly around 20 minutes apart.
I was starting to feel a little desperate and was worried that my body just wasn't going to go into actual labour on its own as I had progressed from a fingertip dimple on Monday the 26th to 1 cm open on Sat. morning after over 3 full days of contractions. I had had surgery on my cervix and knew I had scarring on my cervix. I was worried that this ment it would never dilate.
We headed back to the hospital around supper time to have another check. This time we were put into an even smaller room than the first one, without even a window. Basically a closet. Again it seemed that the Dr was continually being called away to the operating room or to emergencies and it took forever to be checked. This room didn't even have a chair, just a stool for Ian to sit on and a hard gurney for me to lie on and a bathroom shared with other people.
Finally, close to bedtime a Dr arrived. I was so happy to see a familiar face as he was one of the Drs who had done my c section and had seen me a lot after the surgery when I had a hematoma and an infection. He has a lovely bedside manner and inspires confidence. He checked me and it was sort of good new. I was between 2 and 3 cm dilated, fully effaced and he could feel the top of the babies head. Finally there had been some changes. He took the time to chat with me, basically telling me what I was going through was extreme, but still within the ranges of normal, that these changes were an excellent sign, but that I still had a way to go. He told me to go home, take painkillers, and to come back when I was back to every 3-5 minutes apart. He cautioned me that if I came back to soon that "Drs like to do things to you". Since I couldn't be safely induced due to having had a previous c section, doing things to me would have ment a repeat C section. I really wanted to avoid that. I had already gone through 4 days of intense pain, I wasn't about to give up on my desire for a VBAC very easily. We decided to head home, once again. This time I was even more determined not to go back to the hospital until "the baby is crowning" I joked.
Saturday night, Sunday and Sunday night again passed in a blur of pain, fatigue & more pain. I felt like I had already run a marathon, and that I was being asked to turn around and do it again. I was also determined that I was going to have a vaginal delivery and that I wasn't going to head into the operating room.
Sunday night/early Monday morning 2 things happened. First off I finally lost my mucus plug or had the "bloody show" I had read about. I had had some bleeding after the internal exams,where they had done stretch and sweeps of my membranes, but it hadn't been accompanied by large clumps of snot. The 2nd thing that happened was I peed myself. One position I found that helped during a contraction was to sit on the toilet, with my hands on my knees and to rock. I found the ring of the toilet seat put pressure on my thighs and kept the contraction pain from radiating all the way down my legs. It also seemed to be the right height (like the ball) to rock on. I had peed previously and didn't need to go, so stood up after my contraction and peed all over myself and the floor.
Monday morning arrived and still no baby. I was now one full week past my due date. Because I had had the bloody show in the night, we were debating if we should head back to the hospital to get checked or not. I was also in even more pain than before. There was no "breathing through" contractions. It was scream, swear, thrash, whatever I could do to deal with the pain. I even bruised my own thighs from gripping them so hard. Contractions were steady every 7 minutes (still not 3-5). I could tell that my Mother and Ian were both finding dealing with my pain hard. Then the phone rang. It was my Drs office asking me to go to the hospital for another BPP ultrasound.
We headed , for the 3rd time, to the hospital. I was terrified that there would be something that indicated the baby was in distress and I would have to have a C section. I was terrified that there had been no further changes since Saturday. I was terrified that I would be allowed to continue and that there would be days more of this intense pain. The pain I had during my contractions was incredibly intense. Women try to tell you about it, but not having experienced it yourself, it is hard to understand. It is a very primal sort of pain that starts in your center, radiates outwards taking over your whole pelvis, back and thighs, that holds you in its claws and then slowly releases you out of the pain. The moments after a contraction stops feel amazing, and then you remember a minute later that it is coming again, and you try to relax to keep it from gripping you once more. You want them to come, to do their job, to bring the baby out. You also feel like they are ripping you apart.
I am not sure if it was something my husband said to the receptionist, or watching me have a contraction, or just luck, but we had one of the shortest waits we have ever had to get in for the ultrasound. And there I discovered one of my fears had come true. My amniotic fluid was low. The ultrasound tech searched for a fluid pocket, but couldn't find any. Other than that everything looked great. The baby was fine, placenta was fine. No fluid meant the baby would have to come out ASAP and I was terrified they were going to tell me I needed a C section. The ultrasound tech sent for the Dr to examen me. When the Dr came she told me I was dilated about 4 cm, that the head was "right there" and that she could feel hair. She then asked me if my water had broken, and I clued in. I hadn't peed myself after all...
Finally something was happening and I was admitted to the labour and delivery unit. Yay! It was time to have a baby. Maybe? At least it was starting to look like it might be soon.
